Dear Antera:
Four years ago I met a man, married, (me too) quite by surprise. We were instantly attracted to each other. We just simply felt we couldn't bear to be separated from one another, and of course, being married, this was a most frustrating time for us. The magnetism was overpowering. We were just drawn together. This wasn't so much voluntary, as it seemed so natural. Neither of us were happy in our marriages. He expressed to me that he had never really loved before, until he met me. I felt the same.We both felt that we had "found" one another. That we didn't feel so "alone" anymore. We felt "safe." From the first moment, we seemed to fill a place within the other that before had felt empty. We had much in common, talked endlessly, wrote daily, and though we had really few meetings during the four years, we did have stolen times together when we were intimate. But two years before we finally parted ways, he did something he had promised he would never do. What seemed liked the most beautiful and rare love, as he always termed it, fell apart in a most painful way. It has been over a year since we saw each other, and months since our last communication. It's over. And yet, I still long to be in his presence. I still love him, miss him, and it still hurts. For a while, I wanted to die, as I felt so lost. I suppose a lot of our problem was that we each were hesitant to leave our spouses, as we do care about them, not the way we do about each other, but still, we didn't want to hurt them.
We have bitterness between us. And both being married, we have a lot of bad karma we have made for ourselves. But the issues remain unresolved, as we never parted as friends, but there was still anger and resentment between us. I was advised by my psychic that I should not try to communicate with him any longer, and that he was "smug" in that he knew he had my heart, and could always count on me being there no matter how he treatd me. She also told me that he and I have been married in a past life. I worry about the unresolved issues...and yet I wonder if I could really and truely forgive him in the way he hurt me, and his refusal to admit how wrong he was. I am still angry.
How do I go about making amends...the karma...how does it work? What do you advise? I feel like so much is unfinished. I have to move forward. I just want to do things right. I don't want to be chasing him around this earth plane anymore. Can you help?
--Lady in Distress
Dear Lady in Distress,Oh what a tangled web we weave... I agree that your highest path is to release this person from your energy field and your life. No matter how painful it is to do this, the relationship is not going to last and it is not healthy for you.
It was meant to push you into a realization of a part of you that was missing before--the part that knows how to love unconditionally. This means that your task is to open your heart to him and love him just as he is, while letting him go. Accept him as a perfect being exactly where he is in his spiritual evolution. Release any judgment you have about him, any wanting to change his life or his way of acting, or wanting to be with him. This kind of love is the highest expression you can have for him, and by cultivating it, you will dismiss any karma you have made with him.
Then, your next step will be to take that ability to love and move it into your marriage. Love your husband just as he is. Put daily attention on this in your meditations, sending him blessings and love. If you haven't told him of your involvement with the other man, do so, because it is much better to be truthful and go through the consequences of your actions than to hold it inside, which can cause illnesses and other problems. Make sure he knows you are finished with your lover, apologizing profusely.
If you truly put your energy into your marriage, digging into why you are not happy in it, and perhaps getting counseling together, you can resolve this relationship as well, either by starting anew or ending it in a healthy way, as friends. By consciously working on it, and forgiving yourself as you go, asking for forgiveness from your husband and God/Goddess, you can release the karma you created.
Start right away! The sooner you start, the sooner you will be through the difficult times and can build a new life. It will be well worth it.
Blessings to you,
Antera